oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
