Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
