why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
