I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to jail i love you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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