She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
