My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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