Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
