I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
