kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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