A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
