I feel like abortions should bother me more
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
