Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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