We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
