My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.