she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...