Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
