that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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