Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
