Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
