woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
