I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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