you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
