I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
