You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
