I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
