Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
