This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
