FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
