you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
