ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
