ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
