How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
