i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
