There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
