Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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