I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
