how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
