I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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