you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
