my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
