where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
