I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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