Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
