i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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