His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
