I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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