Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
