i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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