we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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