I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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