I am spending my child support on dildos
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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