I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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