Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
