If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
