Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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