i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
