I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
