oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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