is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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