We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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