Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
