I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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