Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
