He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
