He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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