Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
