No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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