Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
