so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
