your parents love me but you hate me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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