So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
