I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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